Brett Kelly’s Web Journal

My kids are young, 4 and 2 years old as I write this. Remembering when they were babies isn't hard for me, as it wasn't too terribly long ago. My daughter, the youngest, had a more difficult time sleeping through the night at first than my son, so we were often awoken at all hours to her crying. Sometimes she was wet or hungry, but the need to be held was also a damn fine reason to speak up, at least in her young mind.

I'm hardly a "veteran" parent. As I said, my kids are young, but I do have them and some people don't; depending on the company that makes me the "expert" sometimes. I always enjoy hearing about people having a new baby because I think that children are such an indescribable blessing and will teach their parents more than they could possibly imagine. Kids are also an unreal amount of work and I'm willing and happy to talk to with new or soon-to-be-new parents about what lies ahead.

I've got my opinions regarding diapers, sleeping, scheduled versus on-demand feeding, all that stuff. But, my favorite (and, in my mind, most valuable) bit of advice to give to parents who are less experienced than I am is quite simple; there aren't any holy wars being waged over it, and it's extremely simple to understand. Hold your baby and think about what you're holding when you do it.

When my little girl would wake up in the middle of the night, my wife generally took care of things so I could sleep because my job started much earlier than hers. There were times, though, when the baby had been up for an extended period of time and Joana was simply exhausted. "Please go take care of the baby, I need to sleep", she'd say and I'd oblige. I'd sit up and take the baby and just start walking. Normally, I'd incorporate a mixture of what I considered to be soothing sounds and very quiet singing. There were times when a few minutes of this would be enough to quiet and relax her back to sleep, but there were also times when it wouldn't. I'd spend what seemed like an eternity schlepping this kid around our house, quietly begging her to just go to sleep already.

I couldn't tell you the exact night in which this realization came to me, but it hit me like a sack of wet potting soil: this is your little girl and she's going to be dying her hair pink and hating you before you know it. I realized then that these times, while temporally inconvenient, were the ones that I would remember fondly as my daughter grew older. The midnight hours spent hugger her close to me and feeling her warmth. Running my fingers through her wispy hair as she drifted off to sleep. Watching her suck her thumb like it might eventually produce milk. Even though she'd never remember it, I knew that I was investing in a bank of love and attachment from which I'd be drawing on heavily once the body piercing and asshole boyfriend stuff started happening.

Hold your babies. Experience their utter dependence on you for love and comfort. Close your eyes and feel your baby in your arms - emblazon that sensation and emotion into your brain. You'll need to be reminded of it when she intentionally craps on the floor and starts lobbing her celery for distance. Trust me, it helps.